


My Iron Shield

by StarSpangledBucky



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angry Steve, Angst, Arguing, Chitauri - Freeform, Confessions, Dark, Dark Steve, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gun Violence, Hospitalization, Hurt Tony, Loki Does What He Wants, Love, M/M, Near Death, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Protective Steve, Recovery, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Stark Tower, Steve Angst, Steve Doesn't Regret What He Does, Steve Feels, Swearing, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-17 19:02:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2320082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarSpangledBucky/pseuds/StarSpangledBucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever wants to see a team mate badly hurt, but some things cannot be stopped. After the great battle in Manhattan with Loki and the Chitauri, Tony is left seriously injured, near death. Steve won’t leave his side and won’t stop until he wakes. When Tony does, his life is not the same. He has nightmares and his panic attacks become more frequent. Tony feels that he can’t be a hero. Yet Steve does all he can to help him. Even if it means falling in love with him in the process.</p>
<p>“Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Final Victim

**Author's Note:**

> “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
> 
> ~~~&~~~
> 
> Prologue will be written differently, it won’t take place from a specific part in The Avengers movie.

Chaos, sheer, bloody chaos, that’s exactly what it was. Debris was strew through the streets of Manhattan as fires billowed in the buildings that had been targeted by the Chitauri and heavy weaponry. Loki was winning the battle so far, the whole attack was his plan. He stood proudly upon the platform that jutted out from Stark Tower. His smile was wicked, cold and bloodthirsty. The god desired to spill more blood and had already locked onto his target. The Avengers were all hands on deck, trying their hardest to save as many citizens as they could. They had passed a few who were not so lucky, sheer sympathy washing over them for a moment, before they had to focus yet again on the mission. Loki found it entertaining that these ‘pathetic mortals’ had no idea of his antics.

What better way to break the entire team apart than by eliminating one of the strongholds in the group. Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist was in his line of fire, he was the victim, the final victim. His initial plan was to be rid of Steve Rogers, the valiant Captain America, but the man was quick on his feet and Loki had already dealt with him once already. Loki felt powerful, as he had somehow replenished his magic, and he had the power of the Tesseract. Tony would be an easy target because Loki knew more about the billionaire as time went by, he would strike when he would least expect it.

“Your time is ticking, Stark,” he spoke, venom in his voice as he watched Tony whiz by in the Iron Man suit, Chitauri warriors hot on his tail.

Steve was battling a few hordes of Chitauri on the ground below, with Thor by his side, his shield decapitating one of them in one clean, swift throw.

“There’s too many of them!” he yelled, elbowing one in the face, before bashing its head in.

“Someone must deal with my brother! He is but standing there, basking in all his glory!” Thor exclaimed.

“Can’t you try?” Steve questioned, in annoyance.

“I have tried Captain, he will not listen. We fought, but he is far too strong, I’ve never seen anything like this, especially not from someone such as Loki,” Thor replied.

He suddenly let out a roar as Mjolnir collided with a Chitauri creature, a sickening crack and shrill screech following in its path. Steve turned as one of them fired its weapons quickly. It was the one time Steve screamed in absolute pain as it coursed through his abdomen, his body falling against the dusty concrete and debris. Just at that moment, Tony flew by, blasting the creature as it spewed blood from its head, Tony always had a good aim.

“Are you alright?” he asked, dropping down to the road.

“I’ve had worse,” Steve groaned, pushing himself up.

Tony held his hand out to the Captain as he took it gratefully and hoisted him to his feet, hand still grasped around the brunette’s wrist for a moment.

“I’m going to go deal with Loki,” he spoke.

“Stark, no. Are you crazy? He’s got enough juice to kill us all in one go!” Steve exclaimed.

“He doesn’t know my plan, he’s clueless even. I can do this, trust me,” Tony replied.

“I don’t know if I can, but we aren’t really a team if we can’t trust each other,” Steve issued.

“Which is exactly why, you should trust me,” he mused, his mask sliding back down over his face.

Steve couldn’t even utter another word as Tony took off, heading straight for Loki. He watched as Tony floated near the god, before dropping down on the platform.

“Steve, Thor, we could use your help,” Natasha called over their radios.

“Give me your coordinates,” Steve replied.

“We’re at the very top of Stark Tower, I can close this wormhole, but there’s more Chitauri coming our way,” Natasha replied.

“We’ll get there as fast as we can,” Steve answered, picking his shield up from the ground.

He turned to Thor who gave a small nod, swinging Mjolnir in his hand. The thunder god flew off as Steve broke out into a run. His eyes were still focused on Tony, who had his Iron Man mask still down over his face, his hands by his side like he wouldn’t attack, but Steve knew deep down he was only trying to play Loki at his own game.

“Don’t screw it up Tony,” he whispered.

Loki smirked at the appearance of Tony, his target was finally here. He took a step forward, but was threatened by Tony’s repulsor beam.

“Don’t even think about it Reindeer Games,” he spoke, tipping his mask up.

“The man clad in iron, how nice of you to join me,” Loki hummed.

“More like threaten you,” Tony scoffed.

“I come with glad tidings Stark,” the god mused, holding his sceptre to the side.

Tony put his beam down as he held his hands up in mock surrender.

“So do I,” he replied.

“You are brave, to risk your life to talk me,” Loki chuckled wickedly.

“I know your plans, you don’t scare me. You see, we’ll win this, you’ll get captured and taken back to whatever realm you’re from and be punished for your actions,” Tony replied smugly.

“Oh I think not, not until I am finished with you, Stark,” Loki purred venomously. “You are a fool, you did not think this through and you shall be eliminated,” Loki spat. 

Suddenly, a loud crackling sounded at the top of Stark Tower, waves of blue energy glowing across the sky.

“No,” Loki whispered. “No!” he yelled, sceptre gripped tighter in his hands now.

“See that? That’s team work, and you getting your ass kicked, you better surrender now or you’ll only make everything worse,” Tony warned.

“Oh I plan to make it worse Anthony Stark. I planned for you to meet your end. This starts now,” the god growled.

Tony got ready to attack, when he was suddenly kicked to the ground. He grunted as he turned his head and saw one of Loki’s clones flickering before him.

“You don’t think I know what game you are playing at you incompetent oaf,” he threatened. “I know more than you think. You are my last victim Stark. I picked you, right after I killed your dear friend Agent Coulson,” he hissed. “The look on his face was delightful,” he added, chuckling slightly.

“His name was Phil,” Tony snapped. “And you pissed off the wrong person,” he added, getting to his feet.

Loki’s clone lunged forward, as well as Loki as Tony was hurtled to the ground again. This wasn’t what he had planned, he needed a plan B.

“You can’t win Stark,” Loki spoke, stepping forward.

His sceptre pierced through a part in Tony’s suit as the power completely dropped. _Shit, no this can’t happen_ Tony thought. The suit broke away from him as he stumbled to his feet and backed away from Loki. The god laughed, it was that maniacal laugh, the evil laugh of someone with so much hatred in his veins.

“This is where you meet your end,” he mused, tilting his head to the side.

Tony stared at the god in fear, he was scared now, so much so his heart was pounding harder than it ever had before.

“No,” he growled.

“Yes,” Loki spat, the corners of his lips curving into the wicked grin.

Down below, Steve was finishing off the last of the Chitauri who hadn’t fallen already. With the wormhole closed, all their power was gone, their connection to the ‘alien mothership’ was over.

“Stark? Stark can you hear me?” Steve spoke, but only got static in return.

His eyes scanned the tower before he saw him, the suit gone and his face somewhat bloody.

“God no,” he whispered, his stomach doing twists.

“You will all fall before me!” Loki yelled, his voice echoing through the streets.

“Steve you have to get up there!” Natasha yelled.

He was already on his way, even if he had to spring himself up onto things, he’d do it.

“Say goodbye to your little pets Stark! This will be your last!” Loki roared, stepping forward.

“No, no, no, no wait!” Tony yelled, backing up, stopping at the edge of the platform, trapped.

Steve’s legs were aching, but he kept on pushing. By now Loki had his hand grasped tightly around Stark’s throat, lifting him from the platform. The billionaire gave out a hoarse cry, as he struggled against the god’s strong grip.

“It has been a pleasure...Iron Man,” he hummed.

A scream filled the air, not a frightened scream, a painful one. Loki drove the sceptre into Tony’s abdomen, blood gushing out as Tony’s eyes filled with tears from the excruciating agony. Blood rose up his throat as it ran down his chin, his body slowly going limp, eyes rolling back. Loki smiled widely as he laughed coldly, laughed at the look on the brunette’s face, and the shrill scream from Natasha up above. Steve saw it all, he saw how deep the sceptre went, and the amount of blood made him feel sick. His heart dropped when he saw Tony being dropped carelessly onto the platform, Loki looking directly at him, a triumphant grin on his face.

“TONY!” he yelled, voice choking up immediately.

It was the first time Steve ever screamed Tony’s actual name.


	2. Chapter One - Captain Rogers, The Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Action is character." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

_“TONY!”_

The voice came out in a slow, drawled way, everything felt slow. Tony was still breathing, still clinging to the last few threads of his life, he was fighting. His eyes were only partially open, but he could make out the colours of Steve’s suit, the vibrant red, the deep sea blue and the subtle white. Everything around him looked like it was playing in slow motion, the fires licking away slowly in the buildings. Tony caught a glimpse of the emerald green cape that belonged to Loki, as he gracefully stalked toward him. Then there was a raged yell, a sickening crack and the thud of a body falling just inches from Tony. Loki had fallen, yet made an attempt to get back to his feet, only to be cornered left, right and centre by the other Avengers.

“Tony? Tony can you hear me?” the familiar voice spoke.

It was Steve, Tony could feel his strong gloved hand on him, the shield tossed to the side.

“S-Steve,” he rasped, only to cough up more blood as he turned on his side, his face contorting in pain.

“Steve we have to get him inside and at least get pressure on that wound while we wait for help,” Natasha informed.

“Will you manage Captain? Or shall I carry him for you?” Thor questioned.

“No, no I can do this,” Steve replied. “Someone has to take my shield,” he added, putting his attention back on Tony.

He looked pale as a ghost, the last strings of life were gradually snapping now, sending Tony within an inch of death.

“It’s okay Tony, I got ya’ buddy,” Steve whispered.

They’d only spent a few hours together up in the hellicarrier, hell, Tony was a provocative shit towards Steve, they spent most of their time bickering. But he had to give him some sort of reassurance, just in case it may keep him going a little while longer. Steve carefully rested one of Tony’s hands on the wound that looked worse now that he was up close. He picked the brunette up in his arms, not really giving a damn about how awkward it may or may not look. Tony’s other arm was slung around his shoulder as he followed the others over to an entrance to Stark Tower.

“I-I should have l-listened,” Tony choked out, small trails of blood trickling down his forehead from a cut.

“Stop speaking Tony you’ll make it worse. You’ll be fine, don’t give up on us yet,” Steve replied.

“I could never give up on my team,” Tony answered, sounding just like regular Tony.

Steve couldn’t help but smile slightly as he dodged some debris, keeping his eyes peeled for any more threats. He didn’t even have to see Loki’s face to know that he had a shit-eating grin strewn across it.  _Bastard,_  Steve thought, his gaze going up to the sky.

“How did they get here so fast!” Natasha yelled.

Steve averted his gaze, it was a news helicopter, the last thing he needed was all the media attention.

“Just get inside,” he ordered, moving before everyone else.

Natasha fired off a warning shot at them, she seemed just as annoyed as Steve. As he passed by Loki, the god had a glimpse of his ‘good work’, hoping that the brunette was beyond the point to which he could be saved.

“Oh dear, is he dead?” he spoke.

Clint glared at the Asgardian as his grip tightened on Loki’s arm.

“Why not stay and show everyone the hero that you are, Captain,” he spat hoarsely.

Steve turned on his heel and glared at the god, anger fuelling his veins.

“Son, just don’t,” he growled, not even giving a damn that Loki was a god.

Nor did he care that Loki was far older than him, all he cared about was getting Tony out of this alive.

* * *

S.H.I.E.L.D’s hellicarrier hospital wing was on full alert as soon as the team had arrived. Tony was taken out of Steve’s hands as the others stood beside him, watching one of their own be whisked away without any idea of his fate. Steve remained strong, even when inside he was practically breaking apart. It didn’t matter to him how long you spent with someone, they became somewhat of a friend to him. Tony and Steve weren’t the best of friends, but they could work on that...maybe. Natasha was a little shaken, but Clint was by her side as usual as the pair their way inside. Bruce was not the ‘Other Guy’ any more as he slipped his glasses back onto his face, covered in bruises. He looked over at Steve, his face was stone cold, emotionless, yet one look at his eyes said it all. He was worried, there was no other conclusion.

“He said for you to trust him Captain,” Thor spoke, standing on Steve’s other side. “You should trust that he will live and fight through this,” he added.

Steve said nothing, just gave a curt nod as he walked away from the group, grabbing his shield from Thor on his way by. No one called after him, no one followed, they knew he had to be off on his own to think. It was at that moment he saw Loki being marched inside. The god grinned at Steve, eyes malicious and cold. Steve wanted to go over there and give him a piece of his own mind, but was stopped by Director Nick Fury, who pushed his hand on the Captain’s chest to keep him at bay.

“He’s got what’s coming to him. I suggest you get yourself checked out, along with the others,” he spoke.

“Yes sir,” Steve replied, feeling a little defeated.

He headed in the opposite direction of where Loki was being taken, his boots hitting against the metal interior, setting his course for the medical wing. His head was held low as he avoided eye contact with anyone who passed. There was a sudden sense of guilt flowing over him, drowning the anger he had for Loki. In some way he felt that Tony’s condition right now, was his fault. If Tony died, then Steve would feel like his blood was on his hands and no one elses.

“I had one chance to save you, and I failed,” he whispered, darting down a corridor.

Natasha saw Steve approaching as she stood from the chair she was seated in. Her injuries were cleaned up, but she was still covered in dust from earlier on, her eyes vacant.

“How is he?” Steve questioned.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “He’s lost a lot of blood Steve. I’m surprised he even managed to string two words together,” she added.

“This is my fault,” Steve muttered, turning to look in the room Tony was in.

“Don’t,” Natasha replied. “Don’t do that to yourself. This is all Loki, you tried,” she continued.

“Not hard enough,” Steve answered.

Natasha heard that small break in Steve’s tone, even if he didn’t notice it himself. Steve was clearly dealing with it all mentally, but emotionally there was just something not quite right. It wasn’t really the time to get all sentimental, but Natasha just did the right thing out of the goodness of her heart. Steve tensed, only briefly when he felt Natasha’s arms wrap around him, her head resting on his chest.

“Can I be honest with you? About all of this?” she asked.

Steve placed his free arm around her, on account of his shield being held firmly in the other.

“Everyone has to be honest with each other from here on out,” he replied.

“Well...I’m scared. Scared for Tony, scared for what else could have happened. Scared for everyone else,” she answered.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed. “Me too,” he added.

“I never thought I’d hear you actually say that,” Natasha chuckled softly, to try and lighten the mood.

“Sometimes, some things are meant to be left alone,” Steve replied. “We lose Tony, we aren’t The Avengers any more, he’s the leader in all this, he always has been. People want me to be the one to lead. But I see it in Tony, not in myself,” he continued.

And for the first time since Steve lost his best friend James ‘Bucky’ Buchanan Barnes seventy years ago...Steve cried. He only had to tremble once before Natasha had her arms around him tighter. His shield clattered to the ground as his other arm wrapped around Natasha, his eyes glassy with tears. His forehead rested on the top of Natasha’s head as he took in a sharp breath, a few tears falling on Natasha’s jacket she had put on.

“You’re okay Steve. You’re okay,” she whispered.

Steve wanted to feel okay, but he couldn’t, nothing felt okay at that very moment. He’d never broken down like this, yet he managed to over one man. But he was not just ‘some man’, it was Tony Stark, a team member, a hero.

“We’re losing him!” a voice yelled.

The pair pulled apart from each other quickly as they turned their attention back to the room. Steve’s eyes widened when he saw the monitor showing no sign of a heart beat. His throat clenched as he tried to old back more tears that threatened to rain down at any moment, his mind racing a mile a minute. He hurriedly turned away, before taking off, undecided of where he was going as he ran.

“Steve!” Natasha yelled.

But he ignored her, and ran...and ran, and ran, before his whole body gave up on him and he slumped against a wall. His breathing was heavy as he unlocked the door beside him and stepped inside. He slammed it behind him and fell against it, running his hand through his messy blonde strands of hair.

“How generous of you to join me, Captain,” a low voice spoke.

Steve went rigid, he knew that voice. Of all the rooms in the hellicarrier, he had to end up here, the one where they were keeping Loki captive.

“Staying quiet I see, wise choice,” the god mused, pondering around the glass cell.

“How does it feel to be locked up? To lose, yet again,” Steve replied harshly.

“Do I look alarmed?” Loki questioned. “I always find my way out,” he added.

“You can talk the talk, but you can’t walk the walk. Keep dreaming so high and you’ll only see yourself dead, pal,” Steve spat.

“Oh, you like this, the threatening. It burns inside you Captain Rogers,” Loki hissed.

“You almost killed Tony, you should die for what you did!” Steve yelled.

It was unlike Steve to be so threatening, unlike him to sound so violent.

“He’s still alive? What a brave little soldier,” Loki purred. “Such a shame, I suppose I will have to find him again and try something better,” the god added, trailing a finger across his throat with a snide grin.

“No you won’t. Because I’ll be there to protect him,” Steve growled.

Loki tilted his head as he grinned wickedly at Steve.

“Is that love I hear in your voice?” he questioned. “The Captain and the Man of Iron. What a pair,” he continued, another smug grin showing on his face.

“That’s not it at all, it’s called protecting your friends. But I don’t think you would have any idea what that us like you lonely, pathetic, son of a bitch,” Steve snapped.

He was beyond angry, there were no real words to describe it. Steve never swore so much like that, never mind being that insulting. Something cracked inside him that made him see things in a different light. This was all for Tony, he was going to vow revenge.

“You won’t even make it back to where you came from,” Steve ranted, stepping forward.

Loki scoffed, stepping forward also, his fist resting against the glass.

“Threaten me Captain, all you like. However I assure you, nothing will happen to me until I get back to Asgard. You are far too weak to do anything so dark, so vicious. Imagine how violent it will be when I finally have you kneeling before me, unable to move as I drag Anthony Stark to his feet again and split his skull!” Loki yelled, spitting against the glass as his words rolled off his tongue poisonously.

“You won’t even get to that stage when I put a bullet between your eyes!” Steve roared, fist slamming against the glass, causing Loki to move back a little.

“Rogers!” a voice exclaimed.

Steve turned quickly, seeing Natasha standing by the door, her arms crossed lazily over her chest.

“Didn’t Director Fury already tell you to stay away?” she questioned.

“I got in here by accident after I ran from you. I just ducked in here to get away from it all, yet I found myself in here, with him,” Steve mumbled.

“Well Tony is stable now, we can go see him briefly,” Natasha replied.

“Is he awake?” Steve asked.

The red head shook her head gently as she glared at Loki over Steve’s shoulder. The god grinned proudly at Natasha, his eyes full of so much joy from how hurt he had made every single one of them feel.

“Run along, Captain,” he hummed.

Steve turned again, his eyes laden with anger as he pointed at Loki.

“We aren’t finished,” he hissed, before turning back, retreating as fast as he could from the room.

“I look forward to it,” Loki chuckled quietly.

Natasha was silent for a while as she and Steve made their way back to Tony’s room, Steve clearly still a little enraged from that confrontation with Loki.

“They said the bleeding has stopped for now, he lost a lot and they’re amazed by it all. He has to stay asleep for a few days, weeks maybe,” she explained. “They’re all congratulating you Steve...you kept Tony calm even when he slipped in and out of consciousness. Tony’s still fighting, because of you,” she added.

“I don’t need to be deemed a hero for doing what’s right for our team. I would have done it for anyone,” Steve replied.

“Not as fast as you did with Tony. You two got off on the wrong foot, you never saw eye to eye but I could see a friendship slowly moulding from it. Stop denying it all and take credit for what you did,” Natasha lectured.

Steve remained silent as they approached the room, yet only one was allowed in at a time. Natasha let Steve go in first, watching him from outside. Machines beeped as Steve looked at the steady heartbeat Tony was keeping up. The billionaire at almost a mountain of tubes sticking out of him, and it made Steve’s heart drop to his stomach. He approached his bed side and sat down, resting his hands against his thighs. Steve let out a sigh as he ran one hand through his hair and down his face, wiping away stray tears from earlier.

“Hey,” he whispered, scanning his eyes over the brunette.

He looked like hell, still pale and so fragile.

“I trusted you when I knew I shouldn’t have. I should have known that Loki would try something different. We should have-” Steve paused. “We should have worked together. Then you wouldn’t be in this mess and I wouldn’t blame myself and feel so guilty,” he continued. “I don’t know why I got so scared when I saw you getting attacked. We’ve only spent a few hours together and we never really got along. We argued because we were completely different people, we had different opinions,” Steve explained. “But Tony, I-I should have saved you when I had the damn chance. You wouldn’t be like this, if I tried. We’re a team and I messed that up. I’m sorry,” he choked out, a lump forming in his throat. “You’re a pain in the ass, and your ego is as big as your tower. But that’s you Tony, you’re a good leader that way. I had little faith in you from the start, now I have a lot of faith,” he continued.

Tears slid down his cheeks as he wiped them away. He found this ridiculous, crying over the brunette, crying over the guilt.

“This won’t happen again Tony. It won’t, I swear to you. But you gotta’ stay with me buddy,” he sighed. “I’ll be by your side. I’ll be here when you wake up. I-” Steve paused again.

He didn’t know whether he should say it or not, the last time it was said to him was because of Bucky. That stuck by Steve and if anything ever came about where he had to use it again, he swore he would.

“Cause’ I’m with you till the end of the line,” he whispered, dropping his head in his hands.

Steve’s shoulders shook, but he didn’t weep, it was just a delayed bodily reaction to the emotion. He sucked in a deep breath as he stood from his chair. His hand went up to his temple as he gave a small salute, feeling it necessary to do so.

“You’re a brave soldier Tony, keep fighting,” he spoke.

Steve left the room, telling Natasha she could go in now. Natasha said she would be back at Stark Tower later on. Steve simply nodded as he strode down the long corridors, his eyes fixed on the exit ahead of him. He found his shield sitting there as he picked it up, as well as a parachute from the rack. Steve just wanted to get away from the hellicarrier for a while and think over some things. He’d come back and see Tony the next morning, maybe he’d just decide to stay there, just until Tony wakes up.

“Agent Hill,” Steve spoke, approaching her as she stood by other agents.

“Yes Captain Rogers?” she replied.

“Are we still stationed over Stark Tower?” he asked.

“Yes we are,” she answered.

“Great,” Steve replied, with a thankful nod.

He didn’t even wait for a reply, but heard Maria call after him. Steve sprinted to the edge of the hellicarrier, making sure he was a good distance away from any routers.

“Steve!” a voice called.

The blonde turned to see Clint standing by Bruce, who had an equally panicked expression on his face.

“See you gents later,” he mused, smiling softly.

And with one last salute, Steve flung himself off the hellicarrier, feeling the air whip by him as he made course for Stark Tower.

* * *

Stark Tower was eerily quiet without the presence of Tony. Everyone came back there to rest up before they headed back to the hellicarrier. Steve just wanted to get up there and see how Tony was doing. His eyes had dark circles around them from the lack of sleep. Every time he closed his sea blue eyes he was greeted with the visions of Loki attacking Tony. It wasn’t pleasant, none of it was, and Steve still felt a huge weight of guilt resting on his shoulders. He pondered around the empty kitchen and lounge area, a coffee rested in his hand as he looked out at the city, which was still looking rather messed up from the tirade with Loki. His body was sagged slightly as he lent against the counter, trying to keep his balance. He could collapse to the floor and sleep at any given moment but didn’t want to haunted with memories. There was no doubt that he got questioned when the others caught up with him. Something along the lines of ‘why the sudden change of heart?’ which came out of Clint’s mouth. Steve didn’t feel that it was a change of heart, he just felt that realised how important a team is. He saw how flawed they all became without some leadership from Tony. Everyone would think that Steve would be the one to lead them into battle, however Steve didn’t feel that worthy any more. The silence was broken when Steve heard a pair of boots clicking on the marble floors.

“Morning Steve,” Natasha spoke.

The blonde turned and smiled softly at her, setting his coffee down.

“How are you this morning?” he asked.

“Better, didn’t sleep a lot, kept thinking about Tony,” Natasha sighed. “You look like you didn’t catch any sleep at all,” she added.

“I didn’t,” Steve mumbled bluntly.

Natasha frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as she stalked forward.

“Don’t do this to yourself Steve, you need all the strength you can get,” she warned.

“Nat, how can I sleep when I’m blinded by Loki left, right and centre. He’s there when I close my eyes, those cold...evil eyes,” Steve replied, looking away as he shook his head.

Natasha rested her hand on Steve’s arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I understand. But at least try when you can,” she soothed.

Steve simply nodded, picking up his coffee again as he walked over to the TV and turned it on. The news flashed up on the screen and something in Steve’s gut was telling him that it may be about Tony.

_“Billionaire Tony Stark, was brutally attacked yesterday after an alien attack on Manhattan. Sources have told us he was stabbed deeply through the abdomen by a god, named Loki. We believe he has connections with Thor Odinson who has made recent visits since his first time here. Natasha Romanov, AKA Black Widow gave a statement late yesterday evening,”_

The screen changed as Natasha appeared on the screen, still looking a little beaten up from yesterday.

_“As far as we know, Tony is doing okay right now. He’s in good hands, all we can do is wait,”_   _she spoke._

_“Do you have any idea how serious his injuries are?” a journalist asked._

_“From where I was standing it...looked very serious. He’s lucky to be alive,” Natasha replied._

_“And where are you holding the so called demi-god, Loki at the moment?” another questioned._

_“I’m afraid I can’t say. Loki is a danger and we can’t have his identity thrown around,” Natasha explained._

_“What about his brother Thor?” a man asked._

_“He has no involvement with what Loki has done, but it is his decision on what is done with him,” she mused._

Steve looked over at Natasha who just stood motionless in her spot, her eyes showing nothing.

“You okay Natasha?” he queried.

“Fine,” she whispered.

He nodded understandably, before looking back at the TV as it displayed some footage from the aftermath. Steve’s gut twisted when they saw that they had caught the end of Loki’s attack on Tony.

_“You will all fall before me!”_

Steve grimaced.

_“This footage was captured yesterday from one of our helicopters. As you can see, Tony Stark was near death until the valiant Steven Rogers, also known as Captain America swooped in to save his team mate,”_

The screen then moved along as Steve was now in full view, Tony slumped in his arms. There was one thing Steve wasn’t used to quite yet and it was being plastered all over the media.

_“Here we can see Captain Rogers carefully bringing Mr Stark into Stark Tower for safety. In that time, Miss Romanov had fired a warning shot at the helicopter and they had no choice but to leave the scene. There is however only one thing to say...Captain America saved his life, and for that...we thank you,”_

Steve frowned when pictures came up on the screen as the news broadcast ended. There were mostly ones of himself, throwing his shield at Loki, picking Tony up, staggering his way to Stark Tower and also one of him looking directly at the camera in the news helicopter, his face in full view. Steve shook his head as he grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, throwing the remote to the side.

“Well it looks like you’re a hero Steve,” Natasha spoke.

“I guess,” Steve huffed.

“You don’t like that?” she asked.

“I don’t like having my name and face plastered everywhere. I may have saved Tony but I don’t think I need all this attention,” he issued.

“Welcome to the media, and basically Tony’s life, he’s always in the eye of the camera somewhere,” Natasha explained.

Steve shrugged, taking another sip of his coffee.

“I’m just not used to it any more, I never was,” he mumbled.

“I understand,” Natasha replied, resting her hand on Steve’s forearm again.

Suddenly, the doors of the elevator opened quickly, Clint appearing in the room looking a little exhausted.

“Clint? Are you okay?” Steve asked.

“No, not really, Thor and I just had to push about a hundred reporters out the front doors of Stark Tower, so I’m exhausted. Also, you need to go outside, there’s something you need to see,” Clint answered, resting his hands on his knees as he hunched over, taking in deep breaths.

Steve almost slammed his coffee down so hard on the coffee table that it could have smashed, as he made his way outside. The sun shone down on him as he held his hand up over his eyes to shield them. Natasha was close behind him, her eyes widening when she saw what was happening.

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

Skyscrapers that were still relatively stable displayed huge rolled out banners of Steve and Tony. They had obviously been tampered with too because Steve looked more heroic than he actually was on that day.

“You have go to be kidding me,” he sighed irritably.

Some either said ‘Thank you Captain America’ or ‘You’re our hero’ on them. Others seemed to make it all look like a movie poster. Steve ran his hand down his face as he rested the other on his hip. This isn’t what he wanted to see, at all, he neither wanted nor needed this attention.

“I don’t care how you do it but those banners need to come down before Tony sees them. They could stay up there for weeks. Even if-” he paused, jaw clenching. “Even if Tony doesn’t make it I don’t want that,” he added, pointing his hand out at the displays.

“Relax Steve, I’ll get onto some help,” Natasha soothed.

“Y’know Steve, why can’t you accept that you’re a hero,” Clint issued.

Natasha shot a glare at Clint, crossing her arms over her chest for about the sixth time in the space of twenty four hours.

“He isn’t comfortable or used to this amount of attention yet,” she spat.

“Are you kidding me?” Clint scoffed.

“Clint enough!” Natasha yelled, eyes blazing.

Clint stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender as he eyed Steve up and down as the super soldier stood practically motionless. His shoulders sagged as he let out a low, exhausted sigh, covering his eyes with his hand.

“Steve,” Natasha whispered.

“Don’t speak...just don’t,” he breathed, his tone a little shaky.

Clint and Natasha could sense that Steve was taking the full brunt of all of this. Natasha could hardly see that strong soldier who held all his emotions any more. She saw a different side of Steve, an unusual side. Out of everyone, Steve was the most worried about Tony.

“I’ll be inside,” Clint spoke, taking his leave.

Steve lifted his head, his eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep ad also because he was trying to rub away the tears that threatened to spill. He’d done enough of that, and didn’t want it to happen any more.

“You know it should be me up there, injured. Then Tony would be alright,” he murmured.

“Steve please don’t say that. No one deserves what happened, no one...but in a way, Tony risked his life for us, you know what he’s like,” Natasha explained.

“I should have been nicer to him, but he and I...we’re so different. We have different morals, different opinions. I was such a bastard to him,” Steve replied.

“Everybody gets like that. We all didn’t get along really. But we’re a team and we stick together, no matter how flawed we all are,” Natasha lectured.

“I know, I just can’t shake this feeling. I can’t shake the inevitable guilt. It’s like Bucky all over again, except Bucky’s dead, and we don’t even know if Tony will make it through or not. It’s my job to protect people,” Steve answered.

“You can’t protect everyone Steve,” Natasha whispered.

The words hit him in the gut as he still stared out at the city before him. It looked like a damn parade with all the banners everywhere, like a marching band was going to waltz its way down the streets. Steve was no longer an unsung hero, he never was really. Someone was always congratulating or thanking him for his bravery.

“I’ll be by the quinjet. Meet me there when you’re ready to go see Tony,” Natasha spoke, her boots clicking on the concrete as she made her way back inside.

Steve followed shortly after, making his way down to the room Tony had lent him, or at least the room he decided to take for the night. He had planned to stay on the hellicarrier for as long as he could, even if he had to sleep on the floor in Tony’s hospital room. The Captain figured that if he was there to talk to Tony in his sleep induced coma, it might lift the guilt. Because at least then, he wouldn’t feel so terrible. He was aware of Tony’s AI system and looked around his room, not seeing a glimpse of anything, but figured he would try anyway.

“JARVIS?” he spoke.

“Good morning Captain Rogers, how can I assist you sir?” a posh British voice responded.

_Holy crap it worked_  Steve thought.

“Uh, I was wondering if you know where Tony keeps his music? I figured I would take some and play it for him up at the hellicarrier,” he replied.

“Mr Stark usually has it on a system which is ran through me sometimes. However, I do believe he has an iPod and iPod docking system which you can carry,” JARVIS explained.

“I don’t even know how to use those,” Steve sighed.

“Might I be of assistance? I can give you all the ideal information sir,” the AI replied.

“That would be great, thank you,” Steve hummed.

A few screens appeared in front of Steve as his eyes widened. He sat down on the bed and admired the information before him. Now was a good time for Steve to learn a little more about technology.

* * *

The hellicarrier was still hovering idly over Stark Tower, but at least it didn’t make the journeys so long for The Avengers. Everyone else bar Steve said they would visit Tony later on, they all agreed to let Steve be there first. Steve held the iPod and dock securely under his arm as they all ventured inside. Thor said he had business with Loki and turned down a separate corridor where Steve had remembered running down yesterday. Bruce and Clint disappeared shortly after, leaving just Natasha and Steve on their own.

“Do you want me to walk you there?” she asked, glancing at Steve.

“No, but thank you, I can find my way there,” the blonde replied.

“Okay, tell Tony we’re thinking of him,” Natasha soothed, rubbing Steve’s arm softly before departing.

Once alone, Steve let his shoulders drop again, letting his strong posture go. He sauntered down the empty corridor as he made his way over to the medical wing, eyes focused on the ground. As he approached the room where he last saw Tony, he saw a S.H.I.E.L.D agent leaving the room.

“Hey!” he called.

“Captain Rogers,” the young agent replied, her blue eyes staring back at Steve.

“Where’s Stark?” he questioned.

“Mr Stark has been moved to another room just four doors down from this one. We wanted him to be more comfortable,” she answered.

“How is he doing? Do you know anything?” Steve asked.

“He’s stable in the coma, no one knows when or if he will wake up,” the agent explained.

“Right,” Steve muttered, looking at the ground again.

“Captain Rogers, if I may...try talking to him a lot, even in his sleep I’m sure he can hear you. I don’t want this to sound like favouritism, but, I think that Tony would respond best to you,” she issued.

“Tony and I never really got on well for those hours we knew each other. We clashed, but...you’d help a team mate no matter how much they angered you, right?” Steve answered.

“All the time,” the agent replied.

Steve nodded a little, looking back up at the agent as she smiled kindly.

“Thank you ma’am,” the super soldier mused, giving a thankful tilt of his head.

“Katie,” she answered.

“Pardon?” Steve replied, raising an eyebrow.

“My name is Katie, Katie Rowell, or Agent Rowell,” the brunette spoke formally.

“Thank you, Katie,” Steve hummed, smiling briefly.

Katie gave a small nod before taking her leave, Steve watching her as she disappeared around the corner. He turned his head back as he stared at the blank metal wall, his mind reeling excessively. His eyes scanned along the numbers on the doors once he had decided to move. It was eerily quiet until Steve heard the distant sound of beeping machines and breathing that sounded like it was echoing through a tube.

“Focus,” he whispered to himself.

The Captain stopped outside the fifth door that Katie had told him about, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t exactly prepared for what he was about to see, he had no clue what he would see, because Tony may be hooked up to more things than he was yesterday. It was exactly how he had pictured it. More tubes, wires, machines and all sorts were connected to Tony, he still looked scarily pale.

“Good god,” Steve gasped, averting his gaze.

He’d seen a lot worse on the battlefields seventy years ago. But he couldn’t help but feel physically sick at the sight of Tony. Steve managed to compose himself as he approached the bed, his eyes looking over Tony, he looked a mess covered in bruises, cuts and stitches. Then, there was the wound on his torso from Loki’s sceptre. Steve hesitantly lifted the bed sheet, setting the iPod and dock to the side. His hands were a little shaky as he lifted the shirt Tony had on, his hand casting over the patch that concealed the wound.

“Please don’t be bad,” he sighed, lifting the patch.

Steve’s heart sunk when he saw the amount of stitches on the wound, there had to be at least thirty. There was no way that it wouldn’t scar, Steve hoped that it wouldn’t scar badly, but that looked unlikely. The patch was put back down as Steve sorted Tony again, before turning to the small table by the bed. He plugged the dock into the socket and turned it on, keeping it at a low volume as the auto-play function started on the iPod. Steve hadn’t a darn clue about what Tony loved to listen to all the time, but figured a lot of it would be along the hard rock or heavy metal side of things. His eyes glanced at the screen as it read ‘Nirvana’ on the title. Steve sat down on the chair by Tony’s side, leaving the music as is as it flowed through the room with its grungy tone.

“Hey Tony,” Steve spoke, resting his fingertips to his lips.

He was dressed casually in a checkered shirt and beige pants, his brown leather jacket complimenting it all. It felt a bit more comfortable than having his suit on most of the time, it was a little tight on occasion.

“Hopefully you can hear me, maybe,” he continued, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “This is all my fault. I should really should have been there or at least gone with you. We could have gotten that son of a bitch. But I let you risk your life, and for what? For you to nearly die? Hell, who knows if you’ll even wake up at all, I just-” Steve paused, his head falling forward as he rested his forehead on his hands.

The sounds from the machines overshadowed the music, unsettling Steve slightly as he sat up straight to fix it.

“You didn’t deserve this and I feel like I should be here instead of you,” he continued. “Dammit Tony, we could have fixed this. You should have known there was always a plan B with Loki. But you’re Tony Stark, your only plan is attack, right?” he added, sitting back against the chair. “But you saved the rest of us with your selfless act. I judged you too quickly Tony. And if you could wake up, any time, doesn’t have to be now, tomorrow, or the next day, just...soon please,” Steve rambled.

The music changed to something more saddening, a ballad maybe, and Steve covered his eyes with his hand as he let out a long sigh. A single tear ran down his right cheek, his bottom lip trembling a little as he sniffled. He was so conflicted and confused with what was happening. Was he being too forward? Too sensitive maybe? Is this maybe all those years of bottled up emotions finally seeping out of the cracks? Either way, it kind of helped him a little. The blonde sucked in a breath as he coughed back the sobs that threatened to emit from his throat.

“Just do me the biggest favour and be okay when you wake up. Try and remember everything, even if it hurts. I guess that...I’ll be here at your side if you need a friend. I want to be your friend Tony. I want to start this again. If we annoy the crap out of each other, then we get over it and move on,” he explained. “Don’t give up,” he added.

The room fell silent again, except for the music as Steve stared at Tony. His gaze fell on Tony’s hand that lay limply on the bed. He contemplated on whether he should touch it, in case it helped a little with Tony’s recovery, hopefully he could at least feel as well as hear. Steve’s hand ghosted over Tony’s hand, before he pulled away, shaking his head as he looked back at Tony’s face.

“I’m exhausted Tony. I couldn’t sleep because all I saw was Loki when I closed my eyes. I want it to stop,” Steve mumbled, sleepily.

Somehow, the chair in the room was having a relaxing affect on Steve, making him feel a little drowsy. He yawned loudly, mouth wide like a dangerous predator as he covered his mouth.

“I’m really sorry Tony,” he drawled, eyelids drooping slightly.

There were times where Steve would be able to hold it all together and stay awake. But right now, he couldn’t, he was slipping into the abyss of a deep and well needed sleep.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, one last time, before his eyes fell fully closed.

Natasha stood outside the room, Clint by her side as they watched the super soldier sleep peacefully.

“He nearly touched Tony’s hand,” Clint mused.

“I don’t know why he didn’t. He hesitates too much. There’s something else Steve is feeling besides guilt and sorrow. I can’t put my finger on it at the moment,” Natasha replied.

“Nat, if you’re implying what I think you are, don’t, you don’t know that,” Clint lectured, arms crossed over his chest.

“You don’t either,” she snapped back.

“No, no of us know. Steve can’t stay here forever though,” Clint issued.

“He’ll try. He won’t stop until we back off. He’s set on being around Tony until he wakes. Don’t bother telling him to stay away, he won’t,” Natasha explained.

Clint didn’t protest, deciding against it, because a lot of the time Natasha was correct. Something else was welling up inside Steve, he was feeling more things than he has or ever could. There was a long road ahead, and it seemed that Steve was willing to be caught in the crossfire. One thing he couldn’t shake was the urge to get rid of Loki, to seek vengeance, just like the god had tried to get rid of Tony. Steve may be becoming a bigger threat to himself than to anyone else, he was a ticking time bomb, ready to explode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. I won't be updating for a while, going on holiday for a week. Hope this keeps you going until the next update. Slowly, you'll start to see the dark side of Steve, the part that wants to get revenge. Hope you enjoy.


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